my feelings through quarantine

Sumaikah Khan

Karachi, Pakistan

that moment when i can’t breathe, when i have no one around me and all i do is stare at a wall for hours, when i’m about to break down, when i want to cry but i just can’t because every single tear feels like i lose myself even more, when all i hear is my heart beating so loud that the sounds of a busy city are muted, when i start to think of every person who’s hurt me in any sort of way and whatever I’m feeling gets worse, when i start to question my existence and start to think of ways to end the miserable life I’m living? 

yeah, thought of every possible way to do that, and while thinking of that, i remember who i am. i might not know my purpose yet, but i remind myself that i’m the one who decides how i live. remember that I’m  the boss of my life and that there’s a family who’s expecting me to wake up, there’s a best friend who’s waiting for my call, there’s my friends who are waiting for my reaction on the hilarious (lame) memes they’ve sent, there’s so much i want to do; become a commissioner, go in the army, a model maybe, a politician?, an athlete, a dancer too, there’s so many places i want to visit, try varieties of food, get a job, live with a dozen of cats.

that’s what keeps me going.

always remember that because of one bad thing you shouldn’t ruin all the good things you can do instead and what’s the point of being sad when there’s so much happiness to bury the sad in. remember no matter what happens even the worst possible thing you could think of that might take place, don’t let it affect you to the point where you start to lose

 yourself and start to hurt yourself or make yourself feel guilty for it. YOU’RE important okay. 

good things happend, and bad things happen but, remember that life goes on and they all happen for a reason. and if a good opportunity goes there’s a better one on its way, just wait for it. 

no matter how good looking he or she is, there’s someone who admires you even at your worst. our memories make us who we are, don’t let the bad ones be one of them. 

go make new memories love

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