Drowning

Alina Gao

Coquitlam, Canada

The weird thing is that this is what I wanted
But it’s like the magical genie decided to twist my wishes
Manipulate them into something horrible and monstrous
Into hours wasted as I fell through internet rabbit holes
Sleeping too little and waking too late despite all the extra time
Watching others grow and thrive like tulips blooming to the sun
As I shove down guilt along with anxiety, stress, disappointment, fear
Feeling my days blur and go by too fast as I lie in bed despite having
nothing, no commitments, no distractions, nothing to ground myself and
I’m floating –
And now what?
Now I’m stuck here in this time with too much time covering me in
waves and I thought it would be nice to float but really I’m just
drowning

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